Love is not a Feeling

We’ve been lied to. Since childhood, we’ve been spoon fed propaganda that limits our capacity to love. We see this through Disney, through Hollywood— this idea that love is a feeling, something to chase, something to attain outside of ourself. This belief has destroyed many relationships, unions, families, friendships, and so forth. Ingrained into the minds of millions, perhaps billions, is this idea that love is purely a feeling. A feeling of ecstasy, elation, and bliss. When these feelings become lacking among a relationship, one may begin to form the belief that the relationship is coming to a close. But what if this is not an indication that something with the relationship is wrong, but rather an invitation to go inward and uncover something that is beyond anything the mind can comprehend? Something that will reveal parts of the Self that have not gone astray, but forgotten. A remembrance of what love truly is.

Love is not a feeling.

I was messaging a friend the other day sharing a glimpse of my reality with motherhood. My son, who is 1.5 years old, has yet to sleep a full night sleep. Waking up every 2-3 hours through the night since birth, sometimes less, and operating as a SAHM with little to no village, the weight of motherhood can oftentimes feel immensely heavy. I said to her, “I don’t know how I am functioning most of days.” She replied, “Through love.”

What a beautiful reminder this was and a clear representation of what love truly is. You see, in the example of parenthood, for the parents that are postpartum, running on little to no sleep, and in a constant state of overstimulation and dysregulation, those feelings of ecstasy, elation, and pure bliss are often hard to come by more often than not. In fact, the parent may often be activated in survival mode, trying to get through each day running on fumes. We hear the stories of mothers who experience postpartum depression who often worry about if they truly love their child or not. This unhelpful belief system that “love is a feeling” can cripple the mother’s mind, fracturing their heart with guilt and shame with the distortion that they are unworthy or unfit to uphold the role that God called them into. And not just parents, but intimate relationships, too. Many relationships begin with a spark of chemistry. Those feelings of elation and the butterflies in the belly can oftentimes be the beginning of relationship. But as the relationship continues on, many soon realize that it takes more than chemistry for the union to truly evolve and flourish. As a matter of fact, chemistry, or these feelings of ecstasy and what some presume to be “love” are simply not enough to uphold a deep, nourishing divine union. And where people find themselves astray, feeling this pull to leave their beloved, is when these exact “feelings” begin to settle, or sometimes even fade. It must be a sign or Perhaps this is God telling me to let go, many think. Some may act on this, taking these feelings, or a lack thereof rather, as a sign to end the relationship altogether. And it’s all thanks to this belief that “love is a feeling.” That at the root of love is something to be chased, something to find outside of ourself. Something we need to “feel” in order to pursue. And worst of all, something that needs to “feel good” 100% of the time in order for it to be true.

What a governed lie we have been fed.

Before we get into what love is, it’s important to deconstruct this unhelpful belief we have picked up. We must understand that feelings are fleeting. They come and go throughout the day, always changing, always morphing into different shades. In fact, to experience a constant state of elation, what is often confused as love, can disrupt one’s qi and prana within them. Further more, being human means to experience the full range of human emotions, the ones that feel good, and the ones that may be more uncomfortable to sit with. When we hold the notion the love is only a feeling, we limit our capacity to be with the other realities that come with being human when faced with relationships. We lack the space to uncover what messages our body brings forward through sensations that may be more challenging and unpleasant. This belief has the power to scatter the heart space by placing impossible expectations on oneself to uphold a certain feeling at all costs, every moment throughout the day. And when we hold the belief that love is strictly a feeling, we may begin to question ourself and our relationships when this “feeling” dims. While love can bring upon these feelings of elation, joy, and happiness, these are often a byproduct of love itself. But love, at its core, is not limited to these fleeting sensations. True love is so much more.

Love is a choice. Love is a state of being. Love is the Truth.

Love is a choice. Meaning, we get to choose love, even if we don’t necessarily “feel” like it. Refer back to the dysregulated, overstimulated, exhausted mother who chooses to love their child, even when they feel anything but. This is because despite what they may be feeling in the moment, love not only exists, but thrives at the core of who they are. Love is also a state of being. When we choose to operate from an aligned heart posture and from a place of curiosity and compassion, we then begin to chip away the stone wall we’ve unconsciously built around ourself.

Most of all, God is Love. God’s essence is a love that emits into every and all things. It is the frequency itself that pulses through life, the cosmos, and the infinite just like a beating heart. Like God, love, too, is a being, the macro to the micro, and just as we would with God, to feel love is to experience it. God and love persists despite our emotions, both residing within, and always accessible to us if and when we choose to tap into it. God and love are also the only constants that exists, too. Both forces radiate through the eternal, never fleeting unlike feelings. The two cast far beyond the rigid box that man has unfortunately limited them in.

The hive mind seeks for both love and God outside of ourself. We outsource the innate connection that resides within and do our best to supplement them with fleeting emotions. When we choose true love, rather than infatuation or elation, we thereby choose inner reflection and connection to the love that exists within each and every single one of us. This is the choice that permits us to see the love all around us. The belief that love is strictly a feeling quiet literally puts love in a box and restricts its infinite and immeasurable wonders that it is. Through this limitation, we close doorways that lead to explorations of our inner landscapes, passageways to further our understanding of our Self the Kingdom of Heaven within.

The collective unconscious places “feeling good” on a pedestal over the pain that comes with the reflection, spiritualization, and the individualization of the “I” and the ego. The moment we don’t feel good, we think something is wrong. But that’s the thing—

We didn’t come here to feel good all the time.

Quite the opposite, actually. We came into physicality to experience the polarity that prominetely exists. To experience suffering in order to better understand and connect to the love that is God. Ironically, choosing love may not even bring upon these “high” feelings. In the context of the burnt-out parent, self-sacrifice to ensure another is supported and in the hands of safety is a display of love that may not “feel good.” But that’s the thing, doing things that are good for us won’t always feel good. And, we did not come here to feel good all the time. On a Soul level, this is not why we chose to come here.

We came here to remember who we are. To reconnect to our Source on the highest level. To spiritually evolve, to individuate, and to activate Soul evolution.

We have the power of choice to choose love every day, even when and if we don’t feel like it. And it is through choosing this state of being, this heart posture, that we can unlock the vastness that lives within us. It is this choosing that opens the doors to self-exploration, between both you and your partner, child, mother, father, friend, neighbor, and so forth. When we decide to step into what love really is, and not what the media and society has limited it to be, we give ourselves the opportunity to remember ourselves further, to expand, and to learn more about ourself, our relationships, and the world all around. We give ourselves permission to co-create something beautiful.

To choose love admits the hardships, (in the context of a safe, healthy relationship) may pave the way to a love so deep that it goes beyond one’s wild imagination. One that is truly woven with the hands of God. And it is by stepping into love we can unlock what may be a divine, powerful, and impactful initiation and invitation to propel us even further along our Soul evolution.

So, don’t wait for love to find you. Choose love, choose to live in love, and choose the love that is already within you.

“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” Matthew 37:39